Page type: E-commerce One-Pager
Audience: People suffering from body odor who lean towards natural product alternatives
Sophistication: High
Stage of awareness: Inside Product Awareness spectrum
Page goal: Move visitors to the Product page, resulting in paid conversions
If you’ve checked out my other work, you know I’ve talked a little bit about first-to-market products. You know, products that have actually achieved the pioneer title, having no other product like it in the market. If you haven’t, check out my work for a first-party data benchmarking platform.
Now let’s go to the far end of the spectrum: the “worn-out” section. When it comes to these products, the target audience has heard it all from a bunch of different companies.
Company 1:“This product works!”
It may work here and there, but what do you know? It has a ton of negative reviews. Company 2 keeps score, and…
Company 2: “The other product didn’t work. But our product actually works.”
Unfortunately, that’s all Company 2 has to say. So Company 3 takes note…
Company 3: “Ours works for X amount of hours, unlike those other products you’ve tried.”
Company 4: “Oh yeah? Ours works for X amount of DAYS. If it doesn’t work you’ll get your money back.”
Company 5: “Ours works for X amount of days with scientific proof. If it doesn’t work, you’ll get your money back AND a hoodie.”
Rando on Reddit/TikTok: “Truth is, all products from this category suck. I’ve tried all of them. Don’t waste your money or your time.”
The target audience is jaded at this point. They’ve heard so many claims for so long, skepticism is practically built right into these products. And when ideal prospects badmouth them, you know it’ll take more than just wishy-washy claims to get that fresh trust back.
I’m Talking About Deodorants.
When you watch a commercial or an ad for a deodorant that claims “72h effectiveness,” what pops into your head?
If it were one of a few deodorant commercials I’d seen, you might think, “wow, that must be effective!”
Today, it’s a lot more likely you’d go, “who in their sane conscience would go 3 whole days without showering to prove this effectiveness?”
(Don’t blame me, some Brazilians take multiple showers a day.)
Sometimes, there may be scientific studies to prove the claim. But even then, it does raise an eyebrow or two.
Not to mention, a lot of us have had so-called “heavy-duty” deodorants fail on us in the past, to say the least.
Things get even trickier when we’re talking about natural deodorants. If the strong stuff is known by a lot of people not to work, imagine the “natural” stuff.
Natural = Ineffective (in a Lot of Minds. Even the Ideal Visitors’ Minds at This Stage.)
If you’re not familiar with the conversation that permeates the credibility of natural deodorants: they’re widely known not to work. Is it a subjective affirmation? Yes. But it’s also a spreadable one – especially on TikTok and Reddit land.
Which is why, to a lot of people, the words “natural deodorant” and “works” don’t go in the same sentence. Let me explain why.
What comes to mind when you think “natural”? Nature, probably. Flowers. Leaves. Extracts. Oils. When it comes to heavy BO, a lot of people think that the natural route isn’t the way to go, and that you need the heavy stuff to counter it.
But people who start wearing natural deodorants do so for several reasons.
People who are actively trying to remove certain substances and components from their lifestyle, such as aluminum and parabens . Whether for health reasons or environmental concerns, these prospects look for the most organic products available on the market, those that will align with their values as well as protect their overall health.
And we also have people with sensitive skin. Underarms are one of the most sensitive areas of the body, and for some people it’s extra-sensitive – to the point where they’ll get nasty rashes from drugstore deodorants.
Just because they’ve either chosen or decided to stick to the natural deodorants, does that mean that their solution should be less effective? Not at all. That’s what I’ll be trying to prove on this homepage.
The Challenge
The ideal customer persona for this product suffers from excessive sweating, body odor – and at the same time wants 100% natural deodorants in their routine, either because of allergies or personal preferences.
Trouble is: in looking for the perfect natural deodorant, they have come across several negative messages. Such as…
- “I was hoping this would work, but it didn’t, as usual…”
- “I’m tired of trying to find a natural deodorant that delivers on its promise”
- “I’ve tried all natural deodorants out there and none of them have worked” (and proceeds to list out every brand they’ve tried,)
That means the market is very sophisticated by now. In other words, they’ve been in touch with several products and claims in the same category before. They’ve been exposed to 72-hour effectiveness (even 96-hours, if you can believe it). They’ve been exposed to studies. They’ve been exposed to money-back guarantees. A lot of the promises are just “yadda-yadda” at this point.
So the challenge at hand was:
- Making an overused claim (“a natural deodorant that works”) fresh, truthful and believable again.
- Differentiating the product with a succinct, unique, and memorable value proposition…without resorting to higher and higher numbers (such as 72h efficacy – because this deodorant in particular doesn’t work for that long!)
- Creating an irresistible guarantee beyond “or your money back.”
The Product
HeatSafe is an all-natural deodorant – not an antiperspirant. Its purpose isn’t to block sweat glands from doing their thing (as is the case with antiperspirants such as SweatBlock). Rather, its purpose is to keep the sweat from stinking.
This natural deodorant is made from 100% natural ingredients. It doesn’t contain aluminum and other chemicals that are considered harmful (including Ozokerite, which I hadn’t seen mentioned in any competing products).
Most importantly: it was made in Singapore. Singapore is known for its hot and humid, tropical climate. According to Singaporeans, it’s either “hot” or “super hot AND raining.”
This gave me a spark because I live in Brazil and it has a tropical climate as well. So I know exactly what it feels like to have a hot and humid climate most of the year because we only have three months of “cold” weather, if you can call it that. So I know what it feels like to feel sweaty and clammy all the time and being scared that you stink.
With that information in mind and on hand, I got to work.
The Hero Section
Don’t mind the “cluttered” look – it only looks like this because of the creative direction. As in: I haven’t included any visuals, but rather described the visuals that would perfectly support the copy. Because the visuals are as much a part of the copy as the text itself.
The Headline
It’s true that so many other deodorants were created to stack up against “heated” everyday situations…but were they built in Singapore for this specific purpose?
I knew what I needed to do was pen a different value proposition for this product.
A value proposition is a statement that highlights not only what is unique about the product, but highlights that in a desirable way.
Besides that, I had to do my best to make sure the statement is both succinct and memorable, to an extent.
And that’s where the value proposition headline “Built to Beat the Tropical Heat” came from.
- Unique? Yes! It’s the only natural deodorant made in tropical Singapore (or at least the first to mention it 😉)
- Succinct? Yes! 6 words. It could even double as a tagline.
- Memorable? Very likely. It rhymes! And the repetition of “Bs” has a nice ring to it.
- Desirable? Not by itself. But that’s where everything else in the hero comes into play.
“Built to Beat the Tropical Heat? What Do You Mean by That?”
Glad you asked. If you move your eyes a few inches down, you’ll find the answer:
“HeatSafe deodorants were created to stack up against the ungodly hot Singaporean climate. So it can handle ungodly hot and rancid armpits. Whether you’re in a hot tropical setting or want to stay odor-free throughout your heated routine: Swipe front. Swipe back. Let dry. Get going. “
Interestingly, even if they don’t move their eyes a few inches down but a few inches to the right, they’ll also find the answer. Which leads us to our next topic.
Visual Cues. Heuristics!
I love creative direction. It means I get to steer clear from (insert image here) and actually suggest the most persuasive visuals to go with persuasive copy.
A badge that looked like a sun was a no-brainer for all the hot stuff I’m talking about.
I also need to prove that this is an all-natural deodorant. I’ll do it throughout the rest of the page. But why not start by checking off all the perceived harmful chemicals it steers clear from?
A little bit down, I included a “free” bar that states everything this natural deodorant doesn’t contain – with aluminum as the first option because my research told me that this was the #1 chemical prospects were running from.
The Testimonial (and Why It’s Titled)
I said the deodorant was built to beat the tropical heat. But just saying it won’t cut it.
In the beginning of a page, people are looking for instant cues that they’re in the right place (what we call spontaneous and competitive decision-makers in conversion copywriting). We just have to accept that not everyone will read every line of the testimonial – or every line of the page, for that matter. Some will read it line by line. Some will scan the whole thing.
(Don’t get me started on “people don’t read online”.)
But we need to cater to the fast-paced decision makers in the hero, specifically. Giving it its own headline makes them get the gist of the testimonial without reading it all, but still respecting those who do.
What’s more, a testimonial shouldn’t be loose. Ideally, it should support the section it lives in, creating a nice little “persuasive copy package.”
The Agitation Section (with a Twist)
Why should you believe that this deodorant does what it says it does? Don’t they all claim a million and one things?
Yes. Which is exactly why identifying the problems the product solves is so important. There’s no better way to do that than by connecting with the very people behind the product and what led them there.
I did my best to stay away from a “We,we,we” type of language, even when talking about the founders as the founders. It’s something we call the “You” rule in conversion copywriting. Essentially flipping the attention from the founders to the readers, which is always a good idea.
But why do I call this an “Agitation” section? Because it homes in on the very situations the founders went through that drove them to the breaking point. And why this pissed them off and frustrated them like it certainly did the readers. Some people can’t wear drugstore deodorant because of allergies. Others just don’t want to. And that’s okay too!
The “How” Section
The “How” section is divided in two. First, it unpacks the superstar ingredients of each formula. Next, it unpacks the supporting (yet still superstar) ingredients that make the stink-less effect possible.
Okay. I’ve shared what the product does. I’ve included proof. Now comes a major step in believability: both showing and telling how the product works.
I started by presenting the two formulas: Super-strength and Sensitive-strength. The existence of a formula for sensitive skin (with clear visual proof that it has no baking soda, which is a common allergen for thinner skins) can be a big relief for some people.
And of course, explaining the mechanism behind each formula. What exactly does each of them do to fulfill its promise? What’s included? And why does it matter to the prospect?
Of course, we can go deeper than that. If I say that baking soda neutralizes the acid in sweat without any proof, is it convincing enough? Probably not.
But we don’t want to overwhelm readers with information – and don’t want them to leave the page to look for information either. I’d include something like a tooltip in “baking soda” and “magnesium” in case people raise an eyebrow. So they can see the exact studies that point to that for much-needed evidence.
Prove It. Is It Really All-Natural?
Essentially, what we’re doing in this section is unpacking the deodorant and seeing it up close.
I’ve mentioned how it conquers every stage of BO. I showed them step-by-step, while also clearly explaining the purpose of each ingredient – in particular order – when it comes to getting rid of body odor.
I’ve also included plenty of creative direction to support that copy. Imagery is huge, especially when we’re using sensory words – smell, swipe, scent…it just helps bring these words to life.
And speaking of which…
How Does That Fit Into My Bustling Life?
Some people have the time (and patience) to follow 10-step skincare routines in the morning.
Others need to wake up, wash down a piece of toast with a long sip of coffee and be out the door.
The research I did gave me enough reason to believe that a lot of these prospects were busy – not only were they running around but also worked 10+ hours outside every day. They couldn’t take their sweet time!
Which is why I needed to highlight the extremely no-brainer and early-morning friendly application of HeatSafe.
But these weren’t mere 4 steps toward deodorant application. They were the steps toward worry-free days. Which, after years and years of stinking, will become weirdly suspicious. And that’s a good thing – except now they’ll have something else to worry about.
The Close (AKA, the Promise, More Proof, and a Killer Guarantee)
The end of a page needs to be strong. That’s where you’ll be giving your visitors the final chance to say “yes”.
Plus, at the end of the page, “what ifs” start cropping up like crazy.
- “What if I don’t like it?”
- “What if it doesn’t match my expectations?”
- “What if it doesn’t work?”
- “What happens next?”
And each of these drives people further away from the click.
So it’s my job to foresee these objections (through research!) and stop them from scaring the visitors away. And this is where a killer promise, followed by a strong guarantee comes in.
The Promise
Not just one of my favorite songs by When In Rome, the promise gives your visitors a reason to believe that you aren’t full of it. For this page, our promise is:
“Get rid of every single thing that ruins natural deodorants for you.”
This is one hell of a promise because it’s a loooong list of “things”. And I had to stack up on a whole lot of demonstration and proof before getting to this point. It’s safe to say that people are ready to believe this big claim at this stage. That wouldn’t be the case if I had just thrown it at the top of the page.
But what are these things? Can prospects resonate with them?
Yes, there’s strong reason to believe they can. I’ve cited the top-mentioned, research-based reasons why people turn their noses on natural deodorants. Even the order was based on research, where I front-loaded the most frequently mentioned factors.
Now…
We’re getting to the end of the page. The people who got to this point are typically either engaged or looking for more proof. Or being like, “what’s in it for me?” And so we’ll give it to them.
Testimonials That Speak to Everyone
This is the section of the page before we get to the guarantee. That’s why it makes sense to typically remind them of their dreamstate – or what they want their life to be like after finding success with this product.
I didn’t want to overwhelm readers with a bunch of testimonials. And we all know that great things come in threes. We could definitely test a carousel and see how that performs vs. one after another.
Again, for each testimonial I’ve included direction for a customer photo, their name, and the product they bought for specificity purposes.
Plus, each testimonial is perfectly titled for the skimmers in the room. People can pick and choose to read the one that most speaks to them and read it if they feel like it.
The Guarantee (and How Can It Be Stronger?)
A lot of guarantees sound like this:
“If you don’t like this product, contact us for a refund.”
Or some bland thing like that. “30-day money-back guarantee.” And that’s it.
This can be anxiety-inducing for a lot of people. The mere thought of jumping through hoops in order to get a refund can make them rethink their entire decision. The mere thought of a refund can make them think, “so there’s a slight chance that this isn’t gonna work for me.”
And this can happen in their brains in a fraction of a second. We need to make sure it doesn’t happen, or that it’s as subtle as possible.
Can You Extend It? Can You Give Something More Than Their Money Back?
Granted, not all companies will have the ability or infrastructure to offer something like double someone’s money back. This type of guarantee will only work if you have very low return rates and have received very positive feedback from satisfied customers.
But there are a few other things they can consider:
- Can you extend the trial period?
- Can you make the refund process as easy as humanly possible?
- Can you put more skin in the game?
Even if you can’t…something as seemingly simple as a money-back guarantee can sound simpler, better, and more valuable with rewording and reasoning. Let me explain.
Rewording Common Phrases (and Adding Reasons Why)
In a sense, returning a product is like paying for it in reverse. And copywriters know that.
Saying that you’ll pay for a product instead of claiming it’s free is an age-old technique. In fact, it was even Direct-response copywriting legend Claude Hopkins in an ad for Dr. Shoop’s Restorative.
“This Way Will Cure. Else I’ll Pay Your Bill Myself.”
He keeps repeating the promise throughout the ad, with sentences such as, “unless it succeeds, it shall be absolutely free.” But the sentence that truly stands out is: “Else I’ll pay your bill myself.”
Notice how this puts all the risk on the seller’s shoulders, not the potential buyer’s.
But I added a little extra something to it for an even stronger pull.
It’s easy for prospects to wonder “why 30 days? Will it take me that long to see results?” This may seem unreasonable to you – but that’s how an overly sophisticated and skeptical prospect is likely to think.
But that’s not the case! The founders of HeatSafe want potential customers to seamlessly incorporate the product into their lives without bringing a ticking clock along with it. Which is very common with shorter money-back guarantees. And so I made sure to explain that in the closing section.
“Oh…So There’s a Chance It Won’t Work?”
Of course there is. Even birth control pills have that less than 1% chance of not working for the most careful person out there. We simply can’t claim that our products will work for everyone, period.
Of course, the product is built to work for as many people as possible. But in case it doesn’t, people deserve to be fairly refunded or re-compensated.
But we also don’t have to induce already skeptical prospects to think that this may be just like the other options they’ve already tried. Because they can return a product for many reasons other than “it didn’t work for me”. They may not like how a particular scent smells on them. They just might want to give other brands a try. They might decide that they want to keep that money.
Steer clear from wording such as “if it doesn’t work for you…”
And instead, try…
“If for whatever reason you decide that this product isn’t for you…”
And whatever that reason may be, it’s important that you respect it. Follow the “no questions asked” principle – but also never refrain from asking for feedback!
Giving the Guarantee Its Own Name
Notice how this isn’t titled as a good ol’ “30-day money-back guarantee”
It’s a “Full Month Double-Your-Money Guarantee.” Giving the guarantee a name makes it all that more official. I didn’t slap a guarantee in there for the sake of it. The founders take it seriously, and so do I.
And Finally, the Subscription Program Where I Avoided the word “Subscription” entirely
When the word “subscription” pops up on a website, what do you usually think of? Be honest with yourself.
Probably that you’ll have to fill out some form. And you’ll have to shell out some money in the process. While they’re fully aware that these things will eventually happen, we don’t need to make it sound like work. And the word “subscribe” carries a lot of implied work.
So, instead of making the call-to-action “subscribe and save 15%”, I made it “join and save 15%”. Because subscribing and joining are the exact same thing. But joining implies little to no work in comparison.
Plus, I made sure to include an encouraging click trigger. At this point, people might be thinking: “Okay but can I cancel if I want to? What if I move and have to change my address? What if I want to try a different scent? What if I simply no longer want it?“
It takes as little as…
“Change your scents, delivery address, and delivery frequency as you wish. Cancel anytime.”
There you have it. If those were problems…they’re no longer!
Can You Visualize the Conversation Going on Between the Page and the Visitor?
With the “silent objections” bult-in, here’s what it would sound like…
“This is an all-natural deodorant that’s built to beat the tropical heat. Because some of us live in humid, furnace-like countries. And either can’t or don’t want to wear drugstore stuff. We’ve created it so you can eliminate the stink culprits, smell good, and feel soft, simultaneously.
And don’t worry about “perfuming” your stench – ‘cause this formula is meant to conquer all stages of B.O, one by one, while adding skincare to the mix. And you can get there just by swiping it front and back, letting it dry for a minute, and going out the door.
Now, I know how other so-called effective natural deodorants have ruined all of them for you. Even just one seemingly small thing. But we promise to get rid of whatever that has been for you. We promise you’ll be able to share amazing results like these with us. Otherwise, we’ll not only pay for your bottle, but we’ll buy whatever else you’re willing to try. It’s the least we can do.”
How on Earth Did I Reach All of These Conclusions?
My research process is so detailed, most copywriters out there would say “yeah, I’d rather just write what they tell me to.” But not me!
For this project (and for every web copywriting project I’ll ever take on), I’ve created research documents with insights my clients can use all across their messaging.
I dive deep into their prospects’ state of mind at the moment they land on the specific pages on their website. The result is powerful and often untapped messaging opportunities.
However, research isn’t enough. You need to know how to use that research to pinpoint:
- The leading messages most likely to hook the right visitors and keep ‘em reading
- The messaging hierarchy that will best resonate to the visitors to that specific page
- What to say, and how to say it…
- …as well as what not to say (and why not)
- And of course, the best visuals (or shall I say, visual copy?) to support your messages
It’s a lot of work. But it’s also a whole lot of fun.
So, you like the way I work? Need to chat about what’s going on with your website copy, and how I can help you improve it?
Let’s chat.
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